Thursday, February 25, 2010


I was notified by a staff member at BAPAC (Bay Area Perinatal AIDS Center) of an online survey that is available for HIV negative women who have HIV+ male partners, and desire children. The purpose of this survey is to study patient preferences surrounding potential treatments to decrease HIV transmission when trying to have a baby.

If this description fits you, please take a moment to take this survey. It takes about 30 min, and you will be compensated for your time.

The survey is seeking women who are:
HIV negative with an HIV+ male partner
Ages 18-50
Desire children

To take the survey, click on the link below:

If you have questions, please contact BAPAC staff member, Dr. Deborah Cohan 415-206-3658

I know there are many women out there who are like me....wanting to have children with an HIV+ male partner and mitigate risk of HIV transmission. Make your voice heard!!! Take the survey!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sex without a Condom

After nearly a decade of protected sex with my husband, I forgot how messy sex can be.

Last month, we had scheduled unprotected sex to try to conceive a child, and for some reason....there has been a tangible wedge between us ever since. We briefly talked about it, and neither of us feel that the emotional and physical distance is from fear that I've contracted HIV. I don't think we were ready for how "un-sexy" the whole attempt would be. Over the course of our marriage, having a condom between us during sex was a necessary evil and we adjusted our expectations to include them. Using condoms hasn't dampened our sex life, but we were looking forward to the experience of condom-less sex, and the intimate experience of conceiving a child.

But, unfortunately, it wasn't an enjoyable experience. We were was awkward, messy, and embarrassing. And since then, we've hardly touched each other. I am puzzled by our reaction. I can't quite put my finger on why I'm feeling this way. Am I ashamed? Am I upset? disappointed? confused? angry?

Maybe the awful truth is, I'm a little grossed out by the "bodily fluids" involved with normal sex. After years of using a condom, I forgot what normal sex is like. I certainly liked the feeling of condom-less sex, but in all the years I've thought about it, I didn't think about these details.

Maybe I'm worried he didn't enjoy the feeling of condom-less sex with me...

Either way, what's apparent is we were both expecting to feel something very different, and reality was just a rude awakening.

I hope we can get over it soon, we have to try getting pregnant again later this month!