Wednesday, February 20, 2013

More to think about...

(Sorry its been so long since my last posting....ever since finding out I am pregnant, it seems I'm too tired or too busy to do much extracurricular stuff. Anyway, I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and all is well so far.  I continue to test negative for HIV, and feel confident that I will remain negative.)

I've been wanting to write about my feelings on having a baby with a man that is HIV+.  I realize that when his doctor told me he would have a "normal lifespan," I found comfort in that statement.  I didn't think beyond it though.  But suddenly I find myself wondering what does that really mean?  A normal lifespan?

Will he be alive for 10, 20, 30 more years?  Will he be healthy for those years or will he be dealing with complications from HIV?  Will he see our child graduate high school, go to college, get married?  I know there are no clear answers, and much of it depends on how well he takes care of himself, but I want/need more solid answers than that.

And, how will this impact our child?  Will they be bullied or teased because of it?  Will their friends be allowed to play and have sleepovers at our house, or will parents feel uneasy about my husband's HIV status?  Will they even know about his status?  Will our child announce his status to the class, teacher, friends, etc not really understanding the stigma that is attached?  How and when will we explain this all to our little one?

We spent years pursuing a pregnancy and I am so grateful to be pregnant, but am realizing that there are still a lot of feelings, thoughts, and questions that I didn't know I had to work through.   Am realizing that I didn't think far beyond the moment when I'd see the pregnancy test turn positive. There is now a whole other life to consider when we make our decisions regarding disclosure, medication regiments, and health.  And at times, my husband and I are not on the same page about those decisions, and that complicates things.

I don't know if I'll ever find the answers l I need, or if I truly need those answers.... For now, we relish every day of this pregnancy.  We marvel at the wonder of life created.  And we soak up the genuine and deep love we have for each other and for our little one.


Anonymous said...

Hi. I just want to say thank you for posting in this blog. I know there doesn't seem to be many followers, but I read it. My husband is positive and I am negative....we found out while I was pregnant with our first child. We want to have another child, but can't afford the expensive procedures to do it "safely", so we will more than likely have to try naturally. I know the science, and believe it...since I am still negative after 3 years of not knowing and a pregnancy...but it's still scary. My husband is not "out" yet, so I don't have anyone to talk to about it. It's comforting to see that someone else is in my position, and has conceived naturally and stayed negative.

Anonymous said...

As an ex wife who does not have HIV and a mother of two, I think it rather irresponsible of your husband and yourself to even consider having a child. Clearly, you must not think to much of yourself or have not considered the consequences of doing this. It sounds like the doctors are just looking for someone to test and write in the medical journals. As for your husband, it is a horrible thing to be diagnosed and I do have sympathy for him but if he truly loved you he would not risk your health. It is neither noble or humbling to stand beside him and pledge your love. You should of adopted instead of subjecting the unborn child to medications and the risk of either of you dying with a shortened life span.

Anonymous said...

Honey Im sorry to say people are mean and uneducated about HIV. There is a greater possibility the child will be born infected. I would suggest only telling very loving and caring family members about your situation. Pease spare the child of being ostricized and picked on he will need friends in live.

Anonymous said...

did you have the baby?

Anonymous said...

just found this site and said to myself this is wat I have been looking for.
its been long since your last update.
please update us as am tyring to conceive too by next month by using thr prep exposure method.....

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the ignorant and rude poster will never return, but if you do, I just want to say that you're a huge jerk! LOL!

In response to your blog......I think about the same thing. We've been told that my boyfriend will have a normal life span. I know that I've read that a 20 year old diagnosed today will live to be at least 70, which is essentially a normal lifespan. BUT, I think to myself, even if 5 years is shaved off of his life, does that mean that he will end up in a hospital with some sort of an AIDS-related complication? Or, more likely, will he die of something more mundane? Its a morbid thing to think of, but it does cross my mind.

We, too, want to have a baby at some point. I'm sure that these thought will be much more on my mind whenever I get pregnant.