I think I trust the Science now

Well, our move to Chicago hasn't been as smooth as I thought it would be. I underestimated the difficulty of the transition, but neither of us regret it...its just been harder than we thought.

My hubby has found a clinic to receive HIV related care...its an hour away.  The doctors run about an hour late on their appointments, and it takes all day to get back home with traffic, but its the best in the area so we're doing what needs to be done to make sure he gets to his appointments. He remains undetectable and in excellent health, and I thank my lucky stars for that.

His psoriasis is worse than ever, and his doctor is working with him on a self-injection to treat it. It will suppress his immune system to use the injection, but his psoriasis is so severe that it needs severe treatment. I don't know if others out there find that psoriasis is an unwanted side effect of the HIV meds, but it has been a thorn in my husband's side since he was on Combiver and Viramune. Has only gotten worse over the years.

We haven't attempted to have unprotected timed intercourse to conceive since we've been here in Chicagoland, but we are talking about trying again since things are feeling a tiny bit settled. I have the worst baby fever ever...all day long I look around at all the babies and I swear its like a part of me...something deep deep down inside is screaming, and clawing and scratching to get out. Its choking me. Its relentless and its painful. Its such a weird phenomenon.

I am not taking Truvada (PrEP) anymore. I haven't been to a doctor yet. There is a PrEP clinic here, where my husband receives care, but guess what? Because he is undetectable, and has been for many years, I'm not considered at high risk of contracting HIV, and therefore not eligible to get on PrEP! I know I could really insist, especially if I pushed on wanting to use it for conception, but I don't think I feel that strongly about it anymore.

I think I trust the science now. I think I have let go of some of that fear that was instilled in those of us who lived through the early years of HIV and AIDS. I think.

Last time I thought I could try to conceive without PrEP, and have unprotected sex, I actually couldn't go through with it. But this time, I think I can. I'll keep you updated.  In the meantime, here's a picture of us enjoying the lovely cold and snowy weather!